Here are pictures of my daughters new haircut. She donated over 14 inches of hair to locks of love. She'd been growing it out for a couple of years. She had planned to continue to grow it out because she had plans of getting married in December. Then a couple of weeks ago she realized she wasn't in love with her fiance and she broke off the relationship. She decided to cut her hair......I think to do something new and different to start the next stage of her life. I think it is very cute. There is a before and some after pics.

Time to step it up

I can't believe I've just let important things in my life go. I've been so down about my knee situation, I've let important things slip away. I just looked back at how long its been since my last love dare entry. Its not just that I'm not doing entries, its that I've stopped moving forward in my dare. I haven't stopped, I've continued to practice the things I've learned so far, but I haven't progressed. I hate being stagnant and thats how I feel right now. My husband, my marriage and my family deserve better from me. I've continued to work at being patient every day, but I've let my circumstances get in the way and I know I could have done better. Okay, so I'm in pain, so I may have some difficult times up ahead.......SO WHAT!?!?! Its time for me to stop wallowing and get back to living. Why do we do that, why do we let the bumps in the road knock us down? I'm a Christian walking my faith.....but where is my faith when the waters get rough? I know God is in the boat, yet I still worry and fret. You know I hear people talking about how the 'd' is attacking them......but I think most of the time he sits back and laughs cuz I attack my ownself more than he ever could. I want to be the kind of woman that scares the 'd' when I get out of bed not causes him good entertainment. I want to stand up and be that woman.......I'm determined to start being that woman.......the woman God has called me to be. I have everything I need in life, and its time I started to realize that. He is my source, not the doctors, not the politicians, not the people who tell me their my friends and then walk away, not my finances.........He, God Almighty is all I need!

Kim

frustrated angry scared

Today had been a rough day for me. For those that don't know.......I'm 42 and I've had 2 knee replacements on the same knee......the first in June 2005 then then cement came loose and they had to re do it in March 2007. Now if you didn't know, a knee replacement is supposed to last about 20 years.....obviously mine wasn't even 2. My other knee has been hurting a lot and I've been told its because I have no cartlidge left and need to replace it as well.....which has been scheduled for June when I'm off work for the summer(I work for the school district). I was doing okay with that, but then yesterday, the right knee, the one I've had replaced twice, started hurting really bad so I went to the doc today. The x-rays show that it might have come loose again. I have a bone scan on Wednesday to get a better look........but things are not looking good. If its loose again......I have to have it redone yet again. Its extremely painful right now, so it will be hard to make it to June, much less any farther. They don't know why I can't seem to get one to work for more than 2 years, but you can only replace it so many times........at this rate, I could have to have an amputation in a few years.......or just not be able to walk. They say there is another kind of replacement that goes all the way down the lower bone in my leg.....through the center of it almost to the ankle, but they don't like to use it on someone so young because it wears the bone out to fast. But what options do I have.........not many. And my left knee still needs to be done as well. I'm frustrated.......I'm angry..........and I'm really scared where this is all heading. Joint replacement is a difficult surgery to recover from........painful, long, exhausting. I'm trying really hard not to fall apart........but I'm just sitting here on the edge. Crying doesn't help, yelling doesn't help.....I will continue to pray because its the only thing that can help. Please pray for me..........I need all the help I can get.

Thanks,
Kim

love dare day 26

This day is about admitting my own mistakes and asking God and my husband to forgive me for them. This is a process I had already been going through for sometime. There are so many mistakes I've made over the years and as I have grown with God, I've been working with Him, not only to ask for forgiveness, but also to be able to forgive myself. That's a problem I have alot, when I mess up, and I do alot, people around me forgive me, I know God forgives me, but I have a hard time forgiving myself and letting things go. I allow my mistakes to hold me hostage and it affects how I am around others. If we live in guilt, its hard to be a joyful person. This is an area of my life I've been working on and will continue to do so. The thing I will be working hard on as well is in the midst of an argument, stepping back to see if I'm out of line and repenting immediately. I can repent sometime after an event, but to do so immediately and change my attitude in the moment is much more difficult. I know I tend to get defensive and sometimes say things I wish I hadn't later, but in the moment I'm selfish and proud, but I need to be humble and loving. I will continue to work in that area as well. I'm so glad Jim has chosen to love me all these years even though I know there are many times I'm not too loveable. I will conciously make the effort to admit my wrongs immediately and change my attitude from selfish to humble.

Kim

love dare day 25......all caught up

Well this was my day yesterday, so I'm now caught up and will post back on schedule from now on, at least that is my goal.

Day 25 was all about forgiveness. Forgiving our spouse for anything from the past. Choosing to forgive no matter what. Although forgiveness seems to be something I struggle with alot in my life, I have went through forgiving Jim for things in the past before, this just renewed it in me again. Its so easy to bring up the past when it should just remain in the past. We all make mistakes and if we are really committed to loving no matter what, we need to let past mistakes go and move on. I believe I have truly done this, but it is always an ongoing thing that God is always helping me through.

Kim

love dare day 24

Today was about removing areas of lust from my life as they can kill and destroy a relationship. I don't have much of areas of lust(other than for Jim ;) ) so this one wasn't difficult. Of course we have both talked about what it would be like to have more money and more freedom, but we don't let that be a controlling thing in our lives. We are both committed to working towards becoming debt free, but we are doing this together. I would like a different house, one that fits our needs better, but not to the point of lust. For the most part, we are very happy with where we are in our lives. I think because of the process of rebuilding our marriage over the past several years, we have removed those kinds of things from our lives and replaced them with dreams, goals and most importantly with our passion for God.

Kim

love dare day 23

Still playing catch up...

Day 23 - On this day I was to remove anything that was hindering my relationship or stealing my affections or turning my heart away from Jim. Well there is one thing that I have decided to do to give my husband the attention he should have from me. Jim is gone during the week any of my waking hours, so the weekend is our time. Of course weekends are always busy, so what time we have should be precious. I enjoy watching TV and Jim does not. I have chosen to not watch TV on the weekends and devote that time to him. So no more weekend TV, that is what I'm removing.

Kim

love dare catch up day 22

Well, I have not been too good at blogging and I got a little behind on my love dares lately. But I'm committed to catching up on both. So here goes....

Day 22 talked about loving your spouse even if they are not receiving it. I have made the choice to love no matter what and that includes if Jim isn't in a receiving frame of mind. Thankfully, I haven't come across this much since beginning the love dare, but I have prepared my heart to choose to love, not only in word and feeling, but in action, always whether he deserves it, whether he is receiving it, whether I'm getting anything out of it or not. Nearly 23 years ago, I made a commitment to God and to my husband to love him in all conditions......I haven't always done so, actually, if you look at my actions, I haven't done it alot..........but that is over. I will honor that commitment always and forever. Today, I renew that commitment to God, to Jim and to myself. Thank you dear Lord for taking me on this path and this journey.

Kim

love dare day 18 finally

Okay.....so I've been away a little bit, but here I am. Life has been crazy around here, but I'm still choosing to love my husband no matter what. Since Jim was on the road on day 18, we did it this past Sunday. Day 18 I was to make him dinner and talk about his dreams and goals for the future. Strange we've been married almost 23 years and we've never really talked about our dreams. We've set goals together as we've went, but dreams weren't something we talked much about. It was such a great time to talk about it too. We have one child about to get married and the other is just over a year from graduating high school.......so we're getting close to entering into the next phase of our life together.......empty nesters. I've always cringed at the thought, because so much of my life has been dedicated to raising Godly children and I not only love my kids......I really really like them. I'm going to miss them alot when they're gone. But talking about "our" dreams for this time really made me realize how much I'm looking forward to that time with Jim. We talked about alot of things, going on an alaskan cruise(which we've wanted to do for awhile now) going traveling around the US with our travel trailer and ministering to people we meet. There are some organizations he's heard about in that area that would be great for that. Getting out of debt(something we've been working on) building an educational fund for our grandchildren(something we didn't do so well for our own children). Spending time having fun together. It was so much fun to talk about all these dreams. We talked alot about our relationship too and the amazing things God is doing in us. I feel so incredibly blessed.

Kim

love dare day 21

Today was about committing to read my bible every day. I try to do that anyway, but I'm going to push myself even more to make sure it gets done. Also to pray everyday. Again, I usually pray throughout the day, but plan to make more intimate prayer time with God. These are areas that can always be improved on.

Kim

My heart is sad

My daughter and her fiance' and his family are going through the fire right now. My heart is sad for them. It's uncharted ground for April and her fiance' and I know it will be tough. It's a really difficult thing, a shock. I'm not comfortable revealing it here, as I want to maintain their privacy. But I would like to ask you to pray for them. This is the first serious test of their relationship. Its also a testing of his, and his family's faith. I'm praying for denial to pass, for hurt to heal, and for love to win out. For this to bring them all closer to their Creator, not farther away. Thats all for now, please, just pray.

Thank you,
Kim

love dare day 20

whew I'm half way through.........except I'm not, because I don't intend to stop at 40 days, or ever for that matter. Today was not difficult at all. It was about salvation. Since I'm already saved, it was more about asking God to reveal the areas I still need to work on. I know some of them and I'm always trying to improve in those areas, but I'm sure there are some that I'm not realizing right now. I want to always continue forward in my walk with God. I shudder to think where I would be right now without Him.

Kim

love dare day 19

Today was about realizing that without God, our love is not enough, because it isn't agape kind of love. I thought I understood that before I began this journey, but its showing itself to me more and more as I travel day by day. I asked God into my heart many years ago, but to truly understand the kind of love He has for us takes trying to live that kind of love every day. Unconditional love, no matter what kind of love, even if the person doesn't deserve it I will choose to love anyway kind of love. It's spoke of often, but to truly live it opens your eyes to how amazing God really is. Because as much as I'm working towards that, but His love is so much greater. But as I travel this road, I believe I'm allowing Him to love more through me. He dwells within me, therefor, so does His love. I just need to learn to trust it and release it to those around me. So this is the path I'm attempting to walk. I won't say I've got it down, but I will say the love I'm giving unconditionally is returning to me tenfold. Not only in my marriage and with my husband, but in other relationships as well. I think its because I'm changing the way I think about love. I'm loving through my spirit, which God has placed in me, and not just on my own. I had to step out, but I feel different inside and that is spilling out all around me and its amazing.

Kim

love dare day 17

Oops, I forgot to post for this day. I think its because its about making a commitment to guard my husband's secrets. He doesn't have any that come to mind, but if he did, I'd be guarding them not sharing them......so I guess that's it for this post.

Kim

love dare day 18 on hold

I have to put day 18 on hold until the weekend when Jim is home. I'm to make him a romantic dinner, hard to do when he's not home until 1am.

Kim

love dare day 16

Today was about praying for my spouse. This isn't a new concept to me, so this wasn't a difficult task. However, praying for God to work on his hear to change things I would like to see changed in him wasn't so easy. Part of me felt like I was betraying him by naming those things, yet another part of me understood that there are faults in us all and only God can help heal and change those faults. I'm not going to tell you what I prayed for, that would be a betrayal of Jim, but besides praying for his faults to be changed, I also prayed for my own. Believe me I have many. I've decided to be transparent in these blogs, so here goes. I prayed for me to be more fun and less judgmental. I prayed that I could be more forgiving and quicker to do so. I've also had some health issues that have interfered with the intimate part of our relationship. I know Jim would be okay with me sharing this so.........I have some conditions with my muscles, fibromyalgia is the diagnosis, but I have some things that go on that no doctor can find an association with fibro for. I have intense muscle spasms throughout my body, including during intimacy. These spasms are extremely painful and make intimacy very painful. This has been going on for some time. I believe because of the pain, I have some emotional blocks to really enjoying intimacy because I'm expecting the pain. I also take some medication that doesn't help my libido. My husband has been incredibly understanding with this and unfortunately, physical intimacy has seriously suffered because of it. It had become like a chore for me to be intimate, something I felt I needed to do, rather than wanted to do. Therefore, it didn't happen as often as it should have. Although Jim has accepted this, its not fair to him or to us. My major prayer is for me to move beyond the emotional boundaries and for God to heal the painful parts of intimacy so I can love my husband as he deserves to be loved, in the bedroom and out. I'm very emotional sharing this right now, because I feel like I've deprived Jim, our marriage and myself from what we deserve, what God intended for us. If only I had begun working through this sooner. It's a new day and I'm ready for God to do some amazing things in me and in us. I had read ahead and began these prayers yesterday and for the first time in longer than I can remember, I had no pain in intimacy last night. Maybe this is all too revealing for some to read, but if we don't talk about these things, how do we ever move on. This has felt like a secret I've been too embarrassed for anyone to know, but I'm revealing it and claiming it to change in the name of Jesus Christ! I think I've shared enough for tonight. I'm just so thankful God is helping me to become a better, more loving wife. May God bless you all!!!!

Kim

love dare day 15

Its been a busy day.........day 13, 14, and 15 all completed today. Today was about honoring my spouse. After reading, I really started to think about how little I really honor my husband. Its not that I try to dishonor him, or than I even do dishonor him really. Its that I don't take the time to truly honor him. Today I chose to do just that. I wouldn't let anything interrupt us when we were talking. I didn't let anything distract me from giving him my full attention. I looked him in the eye and focused on everything he said to me. I touched him more, kissed him more and tried to make him know that he was the most important person in my life. The only thing more important is God. I tried to make him feel like a king. I made him breakfast and took him out for lunch(even though it was Costco hot dogs). I told him how much I love him over and over again. As I've said before, he knows I'm doing the love dare, so he doesn't react to the degree I think someone who didn't know would. But at the same time, he smiled more today. That works for me. How do we get to this place where we take each other so much for granted that we no longer show our love? Oh from time to time we do, but its not an all day every day kind of thing like when we first fell in love. Sometimes I feel like that 19 year old girl again, head over heels in love with my man........that's how I want it to always be. I think we're on the right track to getting there all the way. Have I mentioned how very much I love my husband?!

Kim

love dare day 14

Still playing catch up. Jim was on the road so day 13 and 14 were both completed today, as day 15 will be. I chose today to take the time with Jim to talk about our budget and finances. We haven't sat down together and worked on the budget in months and it was long overdo. We focused on each other and our finances for a couple of hours. Talking through some changes we wanted to make. I'm making a personal commitment to do this at least once a month. It is a way we grow together as we make decisions about our current financial choices as well as where we're headed. It's always a good thing to have goals in mind for your future, especially your future together. It helps keep you focused on "we" instead of on "me". I'm really glad we did this and we had some fun with it in the process.

Kim

love dare day 13

Day 13, a couple of days late, yet I'm here. Jim and I sat down and wrote our "we" rules of engagement. This is rules we agree to follow when we do have arguments/fights. We used the books suggestions, but made some changes of our own. So here is our "we' rules:

1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past. (this one I'll have to work on)
3. We will never fight in public. (the book suggests also not in front of the kids, however, we feel its okay to fight in front of the kids as long as we are following our rules. I don't want my kids to think marriage is easy)
4. We will call a "time out" if the conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will choose to forgive each morning and start anew.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will either work this out or let it go.

Then it was my turn to do my "me" rules, so in addition to the "we" rules, here are my "me" rules.

1. I will listen before speaking.
2. I will not use a guilt treatment to get my way or get my sympathies.
3. I will not raise my voice to an angry level.

Although this was a process, it really helped us talk about how we argue. If we would have had these in place several years ago, I doubt we would have went through some of the extreme struggles we did in our marriage.

Kim

love dare day 13 and 14......

Day 13 and 14 will have to wait to the weekend when my baby is back home. There are some things we need to do together before I respond fully. I think it will be good though. So check back for my posts for 13 14 and 15 amd 16 should also post over the weekend as well.

Catch ya next time,
Kim

love dare day 12

God is soooo funny! I'm a day late blogging cuz I crashed early last night. Ok.......so day 12 talked about how we always want to win just for the sake of winning when we have disagreements and how that isn't good for our marriage. I have to agree with that. And believe me, Jim and I are both very passionate people and we have pretty strong stubborn streaks.......so we can have some doozies sometimes. But I know that sometimes I'm stuck on something just because I have to win and prove him wrong.....even though I know neither of us will really change our views and its something pointless and silly. So I was supposed to let go of some disagreement we've had and let him have his way. I thought for 40 hours about what recent disagreement we'd had that I could let him win. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything. We haven't really had any ongoing disagreements. Well, then I called Jim last night for our usual "us" time (he's a truck driver) and low and behold he brought up something we haven't agreed on........he wanted to get faster internet. I have never thought it was worth the money, I think our internet is fast enough. Well as I started to state my case and stand my ground...........oh man.........here it is........time to let him win. So I lovingly told him I would support whatever he wanted to do. So today, (deep breath) we got faster internet. Some of these dares are a bit harder than others.... sigh, but I still think its worth it.

Kim

love dare day 11

Today I was to do something for my husband, and errand or something like that. I decided to finally get our taxes done. I know he's been wanting them done for awhile. It went alright, but we ran into some problems with sending my daughters online. Neither her, nor I, know what happened, but her tax form from last year has disappeared. We need the Adjusted Gross Income from last year to send it e-file. She had to go to her church so I sat on hold with the IRS for over 30 minutes waiting to get it from them......finally gave up. I was pretty frustrated. I'm still glad I got ours done and sent. April's are done, but she gets to sit on the phone with the IRS tomorrow to try to complete it. Even though I did get frustrated, Jim didn't have to be any part of that frustration and that makes me happy. He was happy to hear it was completed. He's a pretty awesome guy. I'm looking forward to each new day and each new dare.

Kim

love dare day 10

Day 10......wow I'm 1/4 of the way through the book.......but not the dare, because I intend on continuing this for the rest of our lives together. Well let me tell you about how things went today. It's really quite funny. First of all, my husband is very particular about how he wants his socks folded. Since I did it different than how he liked it, its always been an unspoken thing between us that he fold his own socks because he never liked how I did it. Well, last night I was folding whites and I guess the whole loving thing is getting under my skin, because I decided to fold his socks the way he liked them folded. This may seem like a little thing to you out there, but its been an issue for us for nearly 23 years. But when I looked at his pile of socks, I just thought, I should just stop being selfish in this area and fold them for him, the way he likes it. I went to bed before he did last night and I don't know if he's even seen the socks yet, but I know it probably brought a smile to his face. It was minutes after I did this that I read Day 10 so I would be prepared for today. I got this little grin because I'd already done it, without the book telling me to. I think this is a really good sign that I'm headed in the right direction. I'm getting excited for each new day now. I hope its going well for those of you out there doing this with me, but if its not, have faith, be encouraged, its well worth the effort.

God Bless
Kim

love dare day 9

Today was about greeting my spouse in a loving way. I think most of the time I do that, but I know sometimes I'm so preoccupied with myself and what's going on in my little world, and then I don't do so good. The book brought out how, even when greeting a complete stranger, or even someone we don't like at all, we usually smile and greet them cordially. I know I sometimes put on my "so glad to see you" face, even if I'm not. I don't want to fake it with my husband, but I should want to put at least as much effort into greeting him as I do greeting a stranger. Today I greeted him with love and concern, as he has caught my nasty cold/flu bug. I made a point to look him in the eye with tenderness and touch him lovingly as I spoke to him. Things I should always do and will try to be more conscience of doing from now on. We did have some heated moments as we discussed some major problems in the world. We both get very passionate about our beliefs and they don't always agree. However, today when I realized where we were headed, I politely ended my side of the argument and went to type up this blog. Patience is still the hardest area for me. It amazes me how, over time, we become impatient with each other.

Kim

Day 8

What was it like burning my negative list? Well, after seeing all the positives I came up with and realizing that I sometimes let the negative things take over my thoughts, it was a relief to let them go. I'm not gonna say I'll never slip back into revisiting those things when I'm in a mood.......but I'm going to do my best to leave them in the burned up heap I left them in. I want to focus on all the positive things in my husband.....there are so many. For instance, our future son-in-law is in desperate need of a car, but only has $800 to spend. My husband has been working tirelessly to find him a decent car for not much money. He knows he's in need and he will do just about anything to make it happen. He just cares about others like that. He is a man of service. I'm so thankful he's my man. I know an area I could better cheer him on to success and that is in his work. So many times I don't really listen or support him like I should when he's frustrated with work. I want to be there more in that area, listening and encouraging him. He deserves it and even if he didn't, I am choosing to do it.

Kim

Day 7

Yes, I'm a little late posting for day 7. I've been really sick and crashed pretty early last night, but not before I made my lists and completed my dare. I'm not going to share the lists with you, because I think that might be invading on my sweeties privacy. I will say that I was very pleased to see my positives list was considerably longer than my negative list. I know there was a time in our lives that it wouldn't have been that way. We've went through so much over the past 23 years. We nearly lost it all several years ago, but God restored us. I believe through this process God is restoring us that much more. He's bringing us closer and reminding us of why we first fell in love. It has been a bit of a challenge. Both Jim and I have been sick, still working, so totally exhausted. Yet we have still mostly maintained patience with each other. I know he feels loved just knowing I'm willing to do this and ask him questions that are tough to hear the answers to and he's loving the positive comments and things I've done for him. I know he's feeling loved more than he probably has in quite awhile. I hope those of you going through the journey with me are seeing the same kinds of changes I'm seeing. I'm praying for you all and I'm here if you need to talk.

Kim

Day 6

I had to think a lot about todays dare. Life is so busy and I'm supposed find areas where I need to add margin to my schedule. What I thought of was that I need to purpose some 1 on 1 time with my husband on the weekend. We don't really see each other at all during the week so we have to make more effort on the weekends. I've decided to stop packing every weekend with things that need to get done and do something fun with Jim. On top of that I have decided to not rush our conversations on the phone during the week. I'm usually tired by the time I can call him based on his work schedule and I am thinking more about how tired I am than what we're talking about. I need to focus that time on him.

Then the second part of the dare was to list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life. I think the biggest motivation I need to release is the motivation to always be right. I sometimes argue a point to the place where I don't even remember what we're arguing about because he still hasn't agreed with me. How ridiculous is that? I also realize that I sometimes try to manipulate Jim into doing what I want him to instead of just coming out and asking him. I hint, I guilt, I leave clues that I think he should understand, then when he doesn't do it, I blame him, when in reality its my fault because I didn't tell him what I wanted.

I really hope I can do better in these areas. I know Jim deserves for me to be better and even if he didn't, I want to do it because I love him.

Kim

Day 5

Okay.......so the three things that I do that irritate my husband are
1. I turn the television on Sunday morning to watch a home improvement show and he would like me either not turn the tv on or only turn it on to a program, such as a sermon so we come together before we go to church to focus on God.

I can absolutely do that!

2. I have this bad habit of not recording receipts for over the counter medication expenses on the credit card.

I have been working at being better about this and will make it even more of a focus.

3. He sometimes feels that I don't take enough interest in our budget and finances. He would like me to spend at least one hour every month away from everyone and everything else to go over the budget with him.

Done!

That was a lot less painful than I thought it would be. It did make him happy that I was willing to listen to these concerns without being defensive and that I want to try to make the changes. Have I mentioned that I have the most amazing husband in the world!!! Through this, I'm learning to love him as he deserves to be loved. I'm so thankful God led me to this process and impressed on my heart what I needed to do.

Kim

Day 4

Today's dare seemed pretty easy for me. I was to call my husband, ask how he is and see if there was anything I could do for him. I think it really helped him to have a better day. He'd been having some frustrations in his work and know I cared and was there for him to talk to seemed to help him feel better about the day. Although he didn't tell me I could do anything for me when I asked, a little while into the conversation he did ask me to do something that is hard for him to do on the road. I did it and it made another part of his day go better. I've read tomorrow's dare and I don't think this one will be quite so easy. I think I may have a little bit of a hard pill to swallow. I'm supposed to ask him for 3 things I do that make him uncomfortable or irritate him......ugh, I'm sure he could come up with a lot more than 3.

Kim

Day 3

Now is when this challenge starts to become.......well, a little more challenging. I have done the challenge, but my husband won't see what I got him until he gets home around 1am. For those of you who don't know, Jim is a truck driver and during the week our schedules are completely opposite each other. He gets home at 1am and I've usually been sleeping awhile then and I'm up at 6am and he's still sleeping until after I've left for work. So some of the dares might be difficult to make happen on the day they are meant to occur. Today's was not so difficult, just he won't see it until he's home which will kind of be tomorrow.

I chose to get him a card and write how I feel about him in it. I told him how much I love how he leads and loves our marriage and our family. The dare says to buy something that says I was thinking about him today. Some people might opt for some large, expensive token. However we are trying really hard to pay off debt and not spend any extra we don't have to, so I know not only will he cherish the card and the personal sentiment, but will appreciate not having any extra money spent. Since we share all of our money, money I spend is money from our budget. I know my husband's love language includes little notes and special things like that, so I think this will be a wonderful thing for him to find when he gets home.

I don't know about anyone else going through this, but I'm really enjoying the fun of loving him as I go through this process. Doing all the little things we did when we were new in our relationship that seem to have been forgotten over the years. I get a little bit giddy over what I get to do next. The most difficult for me is having patience and watching my tongue so I don't lash out or say unnecessary negative comments. It's amazing to me how many times I would do those things to the man I love. Hopefully this process is retraining my attitude.

Kim

Day 2

Here I am nearing the end of day 2 and I have to say, I had to keep reminding myself to think selflessly today. I'm not feeling well and normally that would seem to give me an excuse to be "me" focused and expect everyone else to be focused on me as well. But I thought about how God never takes a day off from loving us. No matter what He loves us every moment of every day. I think of all the times I so didn't deserve His love, yet, it was always there and I know it will always be there. I want my husband to feel that way. That no matter what happens I will always love him and always be there. Isn't that what we want from our spouses? Jim was a sweetheart, so it wasn't difficult to follow through with the dare again today. Again, I had to keep from speaking once or twice because what I would have said would have been negative. The added part of the dare today was to do something do at least one gesture as an act of kindness for my husband. I chose to offer to cut his hair. It may not seem like much, but life is so busy he usually has to ask several times before I get to it. And on a day like to day, when I'm not feeling well, he wouldn't have even asked. I know he wanted it done and although the day was packed with things to do and places to go, I chose to put him first. He didn't say anything, but I know he appreciated it. I can already feel the difference in the way we're interacting with each other. I'm really getting joy out of making my husband feel loved, because he is, and its about time I showed him. I also set up a tv tray for him for dinner and made some of his favorites. It's a little thing, but something I usually don't do. I guess that's what I'm realizing, its all those little things we did for each other when our love was new, that we just don't take the time or effort to do anymore. I'm choosing to make the effort because he's worth it.

Kim

Day 1

Well the end of Day 1 of my Love Dare is near so here are my thoughts.


I was gone a good share of the day, my daughter and I drove about an hour away to go wedding shopping. I still began today. Now keep in mind, my husband knows I'm doing this, so its not like there's any big surprise going on and I think he's trying to do it a little bit with me so there wasn't any real times when I had to be super patient. There was only one moment that I had to stop myself from saying something negative that could have turned into an argument and I did stop myself. I also went out of my way to do some little things for my husband today, like thank him for the yard work he did and make him breakfast this morning(which is something I almost never do) but I mostly focussed on patience and staying away from negativity. It went well. I'm getting ready to read my dare for Day 2 and I'm excited about it. I'm really excited to see the love flow more easily in our lives. I know this journey will make a positive impact on our marriage and I'm hoping it will spill over into every relationship in my life. If I work at showing my love more to my husband, I believe I will learn to share my love more with everyone around me. I'm hoping some of my fellow challengers have begun and are having a great experience.

God Bless,
Kim

The Love Dare

I'm embarking on a new journey. There are several ladies from my church who will be joining me, as will our husbands without their knowledge. This journey is based on the book The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It was featured in the movie Fireproof. It's all about unconditional love and making a commitment to love, no matter what. It's about putting out the effort to love your spouse through actions and by the Word of God. It is a 40 day journey and I will begin it tomorrow. I will be blogging each night about how things went and the process going on inside of me and in my marriage. I'm not doing this because I expect my husband to treat me better or because I want something, but because my husband is worth the kind of selfless love God calls us to. I'm about to read Day 1, I'll let you know how things go tomorrow.

Kim

my heart and mind don't understand

but somewhere inside, I think my spirit does. I have a strong faith. I believe God is in control. I know God sees a bigger picture than I do. I know all of this, but my heart and mind still have a hard time when death comes knocking. I know all the quotes, I know all the scriptures, but none of it makes the pain go away.

A dear friend and coworker, one of the most amazing women I've ever known, a woman with a heart for everyone she meets and a love that I hope one day I can show, is losing her battle.

She was diagnosed with leison on her brain(4 of them) a few months back. There was hope. She has completed her treatments and was very ill, unable to keep food down. They found her gallbladder was enlarged and decided to take it out. What they didn't know was that it was enlarged due to the overwhelming amount of cancer inside and around it. There's nothing more the doctors can do for her. This all began in October, 3 months ago and now they say her time is almost up. She's only a little older than me with child that is not yet raised. She has touched everyone who knows her with love and joy. I just want to scream WHY!!!!!!!!HOW CAN IT HAPPEN LIKE THIS!?!?!?!?! I will continue to hold out for a miracle. At the same time, I know the current reality. My heart aches, my mind is spinning out of control, but my spirit will stay strong. My faith will not be shaken.

Please pray for my friend, pray for her family and pray for me. I'm choosing to not post her name for her privacy, but God will know who you are praying for. He knows everything. He knows our pain and He will heal the ache.

Thank you,

Kim

Random part 2

A couple of posts ago I started a list of 100 random things about me……and I only made it to 50. So here is the rest of the story…..haha

51. I’m goofy…….I am…..sometimes I’m just downright goofy for no apparent reason and it’s a blast. I think we should all be goofy more often.

52. I love to read, but wish I had more time to do it.

53. I was captain of the drill team in high school. It was so much fun choreographing all of the dances.

54. I would rather do almost anything to avoid cleaning the house, yet it must get done.

55. I make a really good broccoli cheddar soup.

56. I’ve had my right knee replaced twice….sigh

57. God is my best friend…..woohoo

58. I cannot stand to wear toe socks……..but I think toe rings are really cute.

59. I make signs for all of my kids’ accomplishments and post them on their bedroom doors.

60. My thumbs are double jointed.

61. I believe every word of the Bible is true.

62. Lavendar roses smell really pretty.

63. I don’t like to do jigsaw puzzles unless its with the mouse on the computer at jigzone.com

64. Comic Sans is the greatest font

65. My great great aunt Beryl taught me to macramé years ago, but I can’t do it anymore. It created the coolest memories for me though. I miss her.

66. My favorite ride at Disneyland was Indiana Jones.

67. Carnival corn dogs are awesome.

68. So are funnel cakes and beer battered fries.

69. I choose not to drink alcohol…..mostly for 2 reasons, there was alcoholism in my family and when I did drink……I acted stupid.

70. When I was a kid I learned how to play the spoons….doubt I could now

71. We got the game Farkle for Christmas and its really fun

72. I make way too much food if I’m making for any kind of gathering……but I make sure nobody goes away hungry.

73. I don’t like video games.

74. One of my favorite memories was making divinity with my Mom and Grandma.

75. I used to be a foster parent……..many moons ago.

76. I don’t like to wear shoes….and in the summer I don’t much.

77. My husband is the greatest love of my life.

78. I was really shy when I was younger…….and if you know me now you know how hard that is to believe…..but its true.

79. I am the most blessed person in the world.

80. I’m not very crafty.

81. I want to visit Washington DC someday.

82. The house I live in is the house my grandparents bought brand new in 1942.

83. I always said I wanted to live long enough to celebrate my 100^th anniversary with my husband…….but as I get older, I’m not sure I want to live quite that long. I’ll settle for 75^th.

84. When I was in middle school I did more chin ups than most of the guys in my class, now I don’t know as I could do even 1, and I don’t plan on finding out.

85. I think we should all go to the park and go down the slide and swing more often.

86. I love to laugh……..some people say I laugh like a hyena…..but I don’t think so.

87. I have huge feet.

88. Crayons are a really cool invention.

89. Time goes way too fast.

90. Tigger is my favorite character from Winnie the Pooh

91. I drank a fly once……..don’t try it, it was gross……..and yes it was an accident

92. I love to feel the warm sand between my toes.

93. I think life should have do overs

94. I’m afraid of thunder and lightening…….when I was a kid, my mom told me if I wore my tennis shoes I’d be grounded and the lightening couldn’t get me…….so I’d insist on wearing my tennis shoes to bed anytime there was a storm.

95. I think life should be lived out loud.

96. I prefer dark chocolate to milk

97. I would love to swim with a dolphin someday.

98. I prefer to sleep in flannel sheets even in the summertime

99. I recently tried chocolate covered sunflower seeds…….they’re different, but they’re good.

100. I loved being pregnant…..I know most women don’t…..but I soooo loved every minute of it.

Wow……its hard to come up with 100 random things about yourself……..try it sometime.

See you next time,

Kim

New Year's Resolutions

Why do we do this to ourselves? Set resolutions that are nearly impossible to obtain and then when we can't complete the resolution, we beat ourselves up forever over it. We all have such good intentions.......but then life happens. Then we let ourselves get depressed because we didn't follow through.

I read somewhere that the only good resolutions are those that we are truly capable of achieving. I'm all for goal setting, but with a goal we seem to be able to work at it longer until we can see it start to happen. With resolutions......we must complete it within that year or we're a failure. And most of us feel like a failure after only a month or less.

Instead of lose 50 pounds.....how about I will give up eating beef tongue....now that one I can achieve. Instead of clean my house everyday.....how about at least one day in the next year my house will look clean. Or instead of exercise everyday........get out of bed everyday. I know I know.........I'm setting my sights too low. But don't we usually set them a little too high? I think there has to be some middle ground here.

All kidding aside........I do have one resolution, not just for this year, but from now on. I know I may not always achieve it, but instead of making it a New Year's resolution, I'm going to make it a new resolution every morning when I awake. It may be the same resolution, but as long as I look at as new each day......maybe I'll continue to focus on it every day. My resolution comes from one of those corny sayings you see on a church reader board, yet it really struck a nerve with me. Peace on earth and I resolve to make it start with me. I'm going to work harder at not being grumpy or obstinate..........especially with my family. I want to be a person who seeks for peace and love in every situation. I no longer want to be a person who causes a ruckus.......but who brings everyone back together. As my children grow up, I realize how much time I've wasted arguing over stupid little things, pouting because I didn't like the way things turned out, or making others feel bad because my feelings were hurt. I want our time together to be full of peace and joy and love.

That's my resolution.......I know I may not always live up to it.........and that's okay, because tomorrow I'll make the same resolution and it starts all over again. Isn't that like how it is with God, we mess up and His blood washes us up and we get to start over again? So instead of beating ourselves up over not achieving our resolutions, let's let God clean us up and give us another chance. May all of you find forgiveness for yourselves as you venture towards the resolutions you've set for yourselves this year and always.

God Bless,
Kim