love dare day 25......all caught up

Well this was my day yesterday, so I'm now caught up and will post back on schedule from now on, at least that is my goal.

Day 25 was all about forgiveness. Forgiving our spouse for anything from the past. Choosing to forgive no matter what. Although forgiveness seems to be something I struggle with alot in my life, I have went through forgiving Jim for things in the past before, this just renewed it in me again. Its so easy to bring up the past when it should just remain in the past. We all make mistakes and if we are really committed to loving no matter what, we need to let past mistakes go and move on. I believe I have truly done this, but it is always an ongoing thing that God is always helping me through.

Kim

love dare day 24

Today was about removing areas of lust from my life as they can kill and destroy a relationship. I don't have much of areas of lust(other than for Jim ;) ) so this one wasn't difficult. Of course we have both talked about what it would be like to have more money and more freedom, but we don't let that be a controlling thing in our lives. We are both committed to working towards becoming debt free, but we are doing this together. I would like a different house, one that fits our needs better, but not to the point of lust. For the most part, we are very happy with where we are in our lives. I think because of the process of rebuilding our marriage over the past several years, we have removed those kinds of things from our lives and replaced them with dreams, goals and most importantly with our passion for God.

Kim

love dare day 23

Still playing catch up...

Day 23 - On this day I was to remove anything that was hindering my relationship or stealing my affections or turning my heart away from Jim. Well there is one thing that I have decided to do to give my husband the attention he should have from me. Jim is gone during the week any of my waking hours, so the weekend is our time. Of course weekends are always busy, so what time we have should be precious. I enjoy watching TV and Jim does not. I have chosen to not watch TV on the weekends and devote that time to him. So no more weekend TV, that is what I'm removing.

Kim

love dare catch up day 22

Well, I have not been too good at blogging and I got a little behind on my love dares lately. But I'm committed to catching up on both. So here goes....

Day 22 talked about loving your spouse even if they are not receiving it. I have made the choice to love no matter what and that includes if Jim isn't in a receiving frame of mind. Thankfully, I haven't come across this much since beginning the love dare, but I have prepared my heart to choose to love, not only in word and feeling, but in action, always whether he deserves it, whether he is receiving it, whether I'm getting anything out of it or not. Nearly 23 years ago, I made a commitment to God and to my husband to love him in all conditions......I haven't always done so, actually, if you look at my actions, I haven't done it alot..........but that is over. I will honor that commitment always and forever. Today, I renew that commitment to God, to Jim and to myself. Thank you dear Lord for taking me on this path and this journey.

Kim

love dare day 18 finally

Okay.....so I've been away a little bit, but here I am. Life has been crazy around here, but I'm still choosing to love my husband no matter what. Since Jim was on the road on day 18, we did it this past Sunday. Day 18 I was to make him dinner and talk about his dreams and goals for the future. Strange we've been married almost 23 years and we've never really talked about our dreams. We've set goals together as we've went, but dreams weren't something we talked much about. It was such a great time to talk about it too. We have one child about to get married and the other is just over a year from graduating high school.......so we're getting close to entering into the next phase of our life together.......empty nesters. I've always cringed at the thought, because so much of my life has been dedicated to raising Godly children and I not only love my kids......I really really like them. I'm going to miss them alot when they're gone. But talking about "our" dreams for this time really made me realize how much I'm looking forward to that time with Jim. We talked about alot of things, going on an alaskan cruise(which we've wanted to do for awhile now) going traveling around the US with our travel trailer and ministering to people we meet. There are some organizations he's heard about in that area that would be great for that. Getting out of debt(something we've been working on) building an educational fund for our grandchildren(something we didn't do so well for our own children). Spending time having fun together. It was so much fun to talk about all these dreams. We talked alot about our relationship too and the amazing things God is doing in us. I feel so incredibly blessed.

Kim

love dare day 21

Today was about committing to read my bible every day. I try to do that anyway, but I'm going to push myself even more to make sure it gets done. Also to pray everyday. Again, I usually pray throughout the day, but plan to make more intimate prayer time with God. These are areas that can always be improved on.

Kim

My heart is sad

My daughter and her fiance' and his family are going through the fire right now. My heart is sad for them. It's uncharted ground for April and her fiance' and I know it will be tough. It's a really difficult thing, a shock. I'm not comfortable revealing it here, as I want to maintain their privacy. But I would like to ask you to pray for them. This is the first serious test of their relationship. Its also a testing of his, and his family's faith. I'm praying for denial to pass, for hurt to heal, and for love to win out. For this to bring them all closer to their Creator, not farther away. Thats all for now, please, just pray.

Thank you,
Kim

love dare day 20

whew I'm half way through.........except I'm not, because I don't intend to stop at 40 days, or ever for that matter. Today was not difficult at all. It was about salvation. Since I'm already saved, it was more about asking God to reveal the areas I still need to work on. I know some of them and I'm always trying to improve in those areas, but I'm sure there are some that I'm not realizing right now. I want to always continue forward in my walk with God. I shudder to think where I would be right now without Him.

Kim

love dare day 19

Today was about realizing that without God, our love is not enough, because it isn't agape kind of love. I thought I understood that before I began this journey, but its showing itself to me more and more as I travel day by day. I asked God into my heart many years ago, but to truly understand the kind of love He has for us takes trying to live that kind of love every day. Unconditional love, no matter what kind of love, even if the person doesn't deserve it I will choose to love anyway kind of love. It's spoke of often, but to truly live it opens your eyes to how amazing God really is. Because as much as I'm working towards that, but His love is so much greater. But as I travel this road, I believe I'm allowing Him to love more through me. He dwells within me, therefor, so does His love. I just need to learn to trust it and release it to those around me. So this is the path I'm attempting to walk. I won't say I've got it down, but I will say the love I'm giving unconditionally is returning to me tenfold. Not only in my marriage and with my husband, but in other relationships as well. I think its because I'm changing the way I think about love. I'm loving through my spirit, which God has placed in me, and not just on my own. I had to step out, but I feel different inside and that is spilling out all around me and its amazing.

Kim

love dare day 17

Oops, I forgot to post for this day. I think its because its about making a commitment to guard my husband's secrets. He doesn't have any that come to mind, but if he did, I'd be guarding them not sharing them......so I guess that's it for this post.

Kim

love dare day 18 on hold

I have to put day 18 on hold until the weekend when Jim is home. I'm to make him a romantic dinner, hard to do when he's not home until 1am.

Kim

love dare day 16

Today was about praying for my spouse. This isn't a new concept to me, so this wasn't a difficult task. However, praying for God to work on his hear to change things I would like to see changed in him wasn't so easy. Part of me felt like I was betraying him by naming those things, yet another part of me understood that there are faults in us all and only God can help heal and change those faults. I'm not going to tell you what I prayed for, that would be a betrayal of Jim, but besides praying for his faults to be changed, I also prayed for my own. Believe me I have many. I've decided to be transparent in these blogs, so here goes. I prayed for me to be more fun and less judgmental. I prayed that I could be more forgiving and quicker to do so. I've also had some health issues that have interfered with the intimate part of our relationship. I know Jim would be okay with me sharing this so.........I have some conditions with my muscles, fibromyalgia is the diagnosis, but I have some things that go on that no doctor can find an association with fibro for. I have intense muscle spasms throughout my body, including during intimacy. These spasms are extremely painful and make intimacy very painful. This has been going on for some time. I believe because of the pain, I have some emotional blocks to really enjoying intimacy because I'm expecting the pain. I also take some medication that doesn't help my libido. My husband has been incredibly understanding with this and unfortunately, physical intimacy has seriously suffered because of it. It had become like a chore for me to be intimate, something I felt I needed to do, rather than wanted to do. Therefore, it didn't happen as often as it should have. Although Jim has accepted this, its not fair to him or to us. My major prayer is for me to move beyond the emotional boundaries and for God to heal the painful parts of intimacy so I can love my husband as he deserves to be loved, in the bedroom and out. I'm very emotional sharing this right now, because I feel like I've deprived Jim, our marriage and myself from what we deserve, what God intended for us. If only I had begun working through this sooner. It's a new day and I'm ready for God to do some amazing things in me and in us. I had read ahead and began these prayers yesterday and for the first time in longer than I can remember, I had no pain in intimacy last night. Maybe this is all too revealing for some to read, but if we don't talk about these things, how do we ever move on. This has felt like a secret I've been too embarrassed for anyone to know, but I'm revealing it and claiming it to change in the name of Jesus Christ! I think I've shared enough for tonight. I'm just so thankful God is helping me to become a better, more loving wife. May God bless you all!!!!

Kim

love dare day 15

Its been a busy day.........day 13, 14, and 15 all completed today. Today was about honoring my spouse. After reading, I really started to think about how little I really honor my husband. Its not that I try to dishonor him, or than I even do dishonor him really. Its that I don't take the time to truly honor him. Today I chose to do just that. I wouldn't let anything interrupt us when we were talking. I didn't let anything distract me from giving him my full attention. I looked him in the eye and focused on everything he said to me. I touched him more, kissed him more and tried to make him know that he was the most important person in my life. The only thing more important is God. I tried to make him feel like a king. I made him breakfast and took him out for lunch(even though it was Costco hot dogs). I told him how much I love him over and over again. As I've said before, he knows I'm doing the love dare, so he doesn't react to the degree I think someone who didn't know would. But at the same time, he smiled more today. That works for me. How do we get to this place where we take each other so much for granted that we no longer show our love? Oh from time to time we do, but its not an all day every day kind of thing like when we first fell in love. Sometimes I feel like that 19 year old girl again, head over heels in love with my man........that's how I want it to always be. I think we're on the right track to getting there all the way. Have I mentioned how very much I love my husband?!

Kim

love dare day 14

Still playing catch up. Jim was on the road so day 13 and 14 were both completed today, as day 15 will be. I chose today to take the time with Jim to talk about our budget and finances. We haven't sat down together and worked on the budget in months and it was long overdo. We focused on each other and our finances for a couple of hours. Talking through some changes we wanted to make. I'm making a personal commitment to do this at least once a month. It is a way we grow together as we make decisions about our current financial choices as well as where we're headed. It's always a good thing to have goals in mind for your future, especially your future together. It helps keep you focused on "we" instead of on "me". I'm really glad we did this and we had some fun with it in the process.

Kim

love dare day 13

Day 13, a couple of days late, yet I'm here. Jim and I sat down and wrote our "we" rules of engagement. This is rules we agree to follow when we do have arguments/fights. We used the books suggestions, but made some changes of our own. So here is our "we' rules:

1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past. (this one I'll have to work on)
3. We will never fight in public. (the book suggests also not in front of the kids, however, we feel its okay to fight in front of the kids as long as we are following our rules. I don't want my kids to think marriage is easy)
4. We will call a "time out" if the conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will choose to forgive each morning and start anew.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will either work this out or let it go.

Then it was my turn to do my "me" rules, so in addition to the "we" rules, here are my "me" rules.

1. I will listen before speaking.
2. I will not use a guilt treatment to get my way or get my sympathies.
3. I will not raise my voice to an angry level.

Although this was a process, it really helped us talk about how we argue. If we would have had these in place several years ago, I doubt we would have went through some of the extreme struggles we did in our marriage.

Kim

love dare day 13 and 14......

Day 13 and 14 will have to wait to the weekend when my baby is back home. There are some things we need to do together before I respond fully. I think it will be good though. So check back for my posts for 13 14 and 15 amd 16 should also post over the weekend as well.

Catch ya next time,
Kim

love dare day 12

God is soooo funny! I'm a day late blogging cuz I crashed early last night. Ok.......so day 12 talked about how we always want to win just for the sake of winning when we have disagreements and how that isn't good for our marriage. I have to agree with that. And believe me, Jim and I are both very passionate people and we have pretty strong stubborn streaks.......so we can have some doozies sometimes. But I know that sometimes I'm stuck on something just because I have to win and prove him wrong.....even though I know neither of us will really change our views and its something pointless and silly. So I was supposed to let go of some disagreement we've had and let him have his way. I thought for 40 hours about what recent disagreement we'd had that I could let him win. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything. We haven't really had any ongoing disagreements. Well, then I called Jim last night for our usual "us" time (he's a truck driver) and low and behold he brought up something we haven't agreed on........he wanted to get faster internet. I have never thought it was worth the money, I think our internet is fast enough. Well as I started to state my case and stand my ground...........oh man.........here it is........time to let him win. So I lovingly told him I would support whatever he wanted to do. So today, (deep breath) we got faster internet. Some of these dares are a bit harder than others.... sigh, but I still think its worth it.

Kim

love dare day 11

Today I was to do something for my husband, and errand or something like that. I decided to finally get our taxes done. I know he's been wanting them done for awhile. It went alright, but we ran into some problems with sending my daughters online. Neither her, nor I, know what happened, but her tax form from last year has disappeared. We need the Adjusted Gross Income from last year to send it e-file. She had to go to her church so I sat on hold with the IRS for over 30 minutes waiting to get it from them......finally gave up. I was pretty frustrated. I'm still glad I got ours done and sent. April's are done, but she gets to sit on the phone with the IRS tomorrow to try to complete it. Even though I did get frustrated, Jim didn't have to be any part of that frustration and that makes me happy. He was happy to hear it was completed. He's a pretty awesome guy. I'm looking forward to each new day and each new dare.

Kim

love dare day 10

Day 10......wow I'm 1/4 of the way through the book.......but not the dare, because I intend on continuing this for the rest of our lives together. Well let me tell you about how things went today. It's really quite funny. First of all, my husband is very particular about how he wants his socks folded. Since I did it different than how he liked it, its always been an unspoken thing between us that he fold his own socks because he never liked how I did it. Well, last night I was folding whites and I guess the whole loving thing is getting under my skin, because I decided to fold his socks the way he liked them folded. This may seem like a little thing to you out there, but its been an issue for us for nearly 23 years. But when I looked at his pile of socks, I just thought, I should just stop being selfish in this area and fold them for him, the way he likes it. I went to bed before he did last night and I don't know if he's even seen the socks yet, but I know it probably brought a smile to his face. It was minutes after I did this that I read Day 10 so I would be prepared for today. I got this little grin because I'd already done it, without the book telling me to. I think this is a really good sign that I'm headed in the right direction. I'm getting excited for each new day now. I hope its going well for those of you out there doing this with me, but if its not, have faith, be encouraged, its well worth the effort.

God Bless
Kim

love dare day 9

Today was about greeting my spouse in a loving way. I think most of the time I do that, but I know sometimes I'm so preoccupied with myself and what's going on in my little world, and then I don't do so good. The book brought out how, even when greeting a complete stranger, or even someone we don't like at all, we usually smile and greet them cordially. I know I sometimes put on my "so glad to see you" face, even if I'm not. I don't want to fake it with my husband, but I should want to put at least as much effort into greeting him as I do greeting a stranger. Today I greeted him with love and concern, as he has caught my nasty cold/flu bug. I made a point to look him in the eye with tenderness and touch him lovingly as I spoke to him. Things I should always do and will try to be more conscience of doing from now on. We did have some heated moments as we discussed some major problems in the world. We both get very passionate about our beliefs and they don't always agree. However, today when I realized where we were headed, I politely ended my side of the argument and went to type up this blog. Patience is still the hardest area for me. It amazes me how, over time, we become impatient with each other.

Kim