It's been a long while since I blogged... I feel like I have to share before I explode LOL
I've been going through so difficult times with my mom lately. Not that she's difficult at all! Back in January, she had an episode that caused her to lose a great deal of blood when she went to the bathroom, which then caused her heart rate to drop dramatically and confusion to come on her. We didn't know about the blood loss at first because of the confusion, she didn't remember losing the blood and she had flushed the toilet. Later after the hospital had her stabilized, her memory began to return. However her blood pressure was up and so they couldn't do the tests needed to find out the cause of the blood loss for several more weeks.
First you have to understand, my mom had not been to a doctor in many years for anything. She is 70 years old and had been incredibly healthy and active up until this incident and saw no need to see a doctor. After she was released from the hospital, she saw a general practioner, a heart specialist, and a tummy doctor. Once we got her blood pressure down, they scheduled a colonoscopy.
Like everyone who's ever had one, the prep is no fun, yet necessary. I took her in for the procedure. My brother was out of town. My husband is a truck driver and was working a couple hundred miles away. My daughter lives 700 miles away. My dad passed years ago. My son was at school. So it was just me and mom. I gave her a hug and sent her back.
When she came out they called me back to see her. She was pretty out of it, as would be expected. After a little while the nurse pulled me aside and asked me to come to another room. There the doctor looked at me with this look I'll never forget. I had no doubt what he was going to tell me wouldn't be good....and it wasn't. It was cancer and it was bad! There was a large tumor blocking 95% of the colon and more that were smaller. He was hopeful that it was possible with surgery and chemo that she could survive. He asked if I had any siblings and that I needed to call them and get them here. Somehow that didn't sound so hopeful to me.
Well since then mom has had her surgery (2/3 of her colon removed and resected) and has recently complete the halfway mark of her chemo treatments. It's been difficult to watch. As I said before, she's always been healthy and active. In less than 6 months, she's lost 50 pounds. She sleeps a good share of the day and when she's awake, she moves so slowly. Confusion and memory lapses, or she calls it, "chemo fog" is common these days. She's having some issues with kidney function now, something they'll look more into after chemo is completed.
I wish I could take it on for her. I hate watching her go through this.
I recently was talking to someone about having routine colonoscopies done because of the history of colon cancer in my family(My dad also had colon cancer) as well as my own history with cancer (I'm a cancer survivor as well...not colon, but it still increases my chances), and she asked how bad the stuff you have to drink is. I remember thinking the same kind of thing once..... but when she asked, my eyes teared up and I got a lump in my throat. It took a minute before I could answer her. When I did, I said, "I'm not gonna lie, it's not fun. It doesn't taste good and it is meant to clean you out. But I've been watching my mom go through the alternative. She never had it done until there was a problem. Surgery was tough, chemo is hell, and if it doesn't work..... Please, take it from me, just do it, and don't wait!"
My mom has been such a trooper through this all! I believe she has gotten closer to God through the storm! I don't know how I would make it most days without the strength of the Lord to carry me through! I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know where my eternity will be!
God Bless
~Kim
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