After I wrote my blog yesterday about all of the countdowns going on in my life, I thought about how often we do that, countdown. I thought about how quickly life goes, yet we seem to focus on counting what little time we have away rather on focusing on the beautiful moments unfolding before our eyes.
I've found myself so stressed and short fused lately as the "countdowns" near the finish line. I'm not treasuring the process. I'm only dreading and stressing over the time until the "moment" arrives. As if when that moment gets here, all will bring everything in the world into alignment. Yes, having my kids here from California will be wonderful! And celebrating their love will be fabulous! But shouldn't the moments with the rest of the family in preparation be cherished too? I noticed today as things didn't seem to go the way I thought it should (because my plan is always right) that I had no patience for the loved ones around me who were working so hard to make things so special.
Perhaps instead of focusing on the countdown and the fact that my plan wasn't happening, I should realize there's a bigger plan in play and I need to cherish each and every moment as it comes. My son has been so amazing, doing whatever is asked of him, whether that be cleaning the house, climbing in trees to hang lights, picking up dinner for his gma, or taking his uncle to the hospital late at night...Seriously, whatever I need, he's there. Yet, I'm so busy counting down, I'm missing all the beautiful things he's doing. My mom is working her fingers to the bone making the most beautiful flowers for her only granddaughter, whatever she's going through. My uncle has been replacing Christmas light bulbs like crazy. Even a complete stranger in a hardware store offered to go through her own Christmas decorations to find me strings of lights when I couldn't find any so we could finish our decorations.
So many beautiful moments that I haven't had time to notice, until now, because I'm so busy counting down. In a blink of an eye, 47 years have passed. Could it be because I'm counting it down and wishing it away? Time, one thing we seem to spend frivolously and can never get back.
My prayer tonight is to savor every morsel of time in this coming week...no more countdowns. Thanks you Father for reminding me that every moment is a precious gift from You!
God Bless,
~Kim
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Countdowns
I have so many countdowns going on right now!
In just over 41 hours, my beautiful daughter will be here from California for almost 2 weeks!!! So excited to see her!!!
In just over 90 hours, my wonderful son-in-law will be here from California for 9 days!!! So excited to see him!!!
And in 6 days my amazing California kids will be renewing their wedding vows in the big wedding they didn't get to have when the married last year!!! It's been quite a planning and executing process and I can't wait to see it all come together!
So here's the story behind it all....
April and Justin met through eharmony back in November of 2011 and talked through email, skype, and phone for 3 months before finally meeting up in Seattle in February 2012. Justin lived in San Francisco and April in Eastern Washington. I and one of April's friends went with her to Seattle, and Justin and one of his friends met us there. As soon as I saw the two lovebirds look at each other, this Momma knew they would marry. I had no doubt God had intended for this couple to have the forever kind of love. Before the weekend was over...they knew it too.
It was a hard good bye, but they managed. In April, Justin sacrificed another trip he'd been planning so he could come and spend April's birthday weekend with her. So sweet. They had a great time...but another difficult good bye. In June, April was graduating college and Justin came for the first extended visit. It was going to be 10 days. He arrived the weekend of her graduation. The beginning of the next week they had planned a dance lesson. They went and had a blast. I remember getting the call when they were done. I could hear the joy in their voices. They were going to show me their moves when they arrived at the house.
I heard the front door open.... suddenly things changed! More than I knew at the time. April ran in ahead of Justin, the look on my daughters face....fear, shock...I didn't know why??? She took hold of me and looked hard into my eyes and said, "Mom, it's bad! It's his mom!" At which point I heard the screen door, and the next minute he's in my arms in tears... I still don't know fully what's happened. I'm not sure if she's hurt...sick... or worse... All I know is they need me at that moment. I hold him...I pray...
When he breaks away, he tells me he needs to find a flight home. Then April tells me his mom is in the hospital... not sure of the whole situation, but it's bad. Then she looks at me and says, "I'm going with him." She's 24, what am gonna say? The plan is she'll go for a few days and help out, then come home.
That was the plan.... our plan. God's plan was a bit different. It turns out his mom had a very aggressive thyroid cancer and there was nothing they could do. April decided to stay and help care for her. She lived in the basement of the house at night and sat at her bedside during the day. This woman she'd never met... she loved her and cared for her and stayed in the hospital with her day after day. She was her mother-in-law the day they met...even if they weren't married, or even engaged yet.
A short time later, he proposed at the beach. Then on the evening of Thursday, July 12th I got a call. Mom, we're getting married on Saturday afternoon. The doctors say she hasn't got long and we want her to be at our wedding. So we book the first flight out on Friday. April, her dad, and I spend the day shopping for a wedding dress (her big fancy dress is home in alterations) and flowers and other decorations to make it special. Then, with less than 36 hours to put it together, they get married in the conference room in the hospital. And it was beautiful. His mom got to be a part of it and we're so thankful for that. She has since passed and went on to be with Jesus.
In 6 days, we will have the fairy tale wedding with the big fancy dress that every little girl dreams of. It too will be beautiful. But what is even more beautiful....the life these two wonderful, selfless people will have as they walk the journey with each other and with God!
I love you April and Justin! I can't wait to see you both! I only wish I could slow down the turning of time a bit once you arrive so I can savor my time with you that much more!
God Bless
~Kim
In just over 41 hours, my beautiful daughter will be here from California for almost 2 weeks!!! So excited to see her!!!
In just over 90 hours, my wonderful son-in-law will be here from California for 9 days!!! So excited to see him!!!
And in 6 days my amazing California kids will be renewing their wedding vows in the big wedding they didn't get to have when the married last year!!! It's been quite a planning and executing process and I can't wait to see it all come together!
So here's the story behind it all....
April and Justin met through eharmony back in November of 2011 and talked through email, skype, and phone for 3 months before finally meeting up in Seattle in February 2012. Justin lived in San Francisco and April in Eastern Washington. I and one of April's friends went with her to Seattle, and Justin and one of his friends met us there. As soon as I saw the two lovebirds look at each other, this Momma knew they would marry. I had no doubt God had intended for this couple to have the forever kind of love. Before the weekend was over...they knew it too.
It was a hard good bye, but they managed. In April, Justin sacrificed another trip he'd been planning so he could come and spend April's birthday weekend with her. So sweet. They had a great time...but another difficult good bye. In June, April was graduating college and Justin came for the first extended visit. It was going to be 10 days. He arrived the weekend of her graduation. The beginning of the next week they had planned a dance lesson. They went and had a blast. I remember getting the call when they were done. I could hear the joy in their voices. They were going to show me their moves when they arrived at the house.
I heard the front door open.... suddenly things changed! More than I knew at the time. April ran in ahead of Justin, the look on my daughters face....fear, shock...I didn't know why??? She took hold of me and looked hard into my eyes and said, "Mom, it's bad! It's his mom!" At which point I heard the screen door, and the next minute he's in my arms in tears... I still don't know fully what's happened. I'm not sure if she's hurt...sick... or worse... All I know is they need me at that moment. I hold him...I pray...
When he breaks away, he tells me he needs to find a flight home. Then April tells me his mom is in the hospital... not sure of the whole situation, but it's bad. Then she looks at me and says, "I'm going with him." She's 24, what am gonna say? The plan is she'll go for a few days and help out, then come home.
That was the plan.... our plan. God's plan was a bit different. It turns out his mom had a very aggressive thyroid cancer and there was nothing they could do. April decided to stay and help care for her. She lived in the basement of the house at night and sat at her bedside during the day. This woman she'd never met... she loved her and cared for her and stayed in the hospital with her day after day. She was her mother-in-law the day they met...even if they weren't married, or even engaged yet.
A short time later, he proposed at the beach. Then on the evening of Thursday, July 12th I got a call. Mom, we're getting married on Saturday afternoon. The doctors say she hasn't got long and we want her to be at our wedding. So we book the first flight out on Friday. April, her dad, and I spend the day shopping for a wedding dress (her big fancy dress is home in alterations) and flowers and other decorations to make it special. Then, with less than 36 hours to put it together, they get married in the conference room in the hospital. And it was beautiful. His mom got to be a part of it and we're so thankful for that. She has since passed and went on to be with Jesus.
In 6 days, we will have the fairy tale wedding with the big fancy dress that every little girl dreams of. It too will be beautiful. But what is even more beautiful....the life these two wonderful, selfless people will have as they walk the journey with each other and with God!
I love you April and Justin! I can't wait to see you both! I only wish I could slow down the turning of time a bit once you arrive so I can savor my time with you that much more!
God Bless
~Kim
A little discomfort or a lot of misery or worse?
It's been a long while since I blogged... I feel like I have to share before I explode LOL
I've been going through so difficult times with my mom lately. Not that she's difficult at all! Back in January, she had an episode that caused her to lose a great deal of blood when she went to the bathroom, which then caused her heart rate to drop dramatically and confusion to come on her. We didn't know about the blood loss at first because of the confusion, she didn't remember losing the blood and she had flushed the toilet. Later after the hospital had her stabilized, her memory began to return. However her blood pressure was up and so they couldn't do the tests needed to find out the cause of the blood loss for several more weeks.
First you have to understand, my mom had not been to a doctor in many years for anything. She is 70 years old and had been incredibly healthy and active up until this incident and saw no need to see a doctor. After she was released from the hospital, she saw a general practioner, a heart specialist, and a tummy doctor. Once we got her blood pressure down, they scheduled a colonoscopy.
Like everyone who's ever had one, the prep is no fun, yet necessary. I took her in for the procedure. My brother was out of town. My husband is a truck driver and was working a couple hundred miles away. My daughter lives 700 miles away. My dad passed years ago. My son was at school. So it was just me and mom. I gave her a hug and sent her back.
When she came out they called me back to see her. She was pretty out of it, as would be expected. After a little while the nurse pulled me aside and asked me to come to another room. There the doctor looked at me with this look I'll never forget. I had no doubt what he was going to tell me wouldn't be good....and it wasn't. It was cancer and it was bad! There was a large tumor blocking 95% of the colon and more that were smaller. He was hopeful that it was possible with surgery and chemo that she could survive. He asked if I had any siblings and that I needed to call them and get them here. Somehow that didn't sound so hopeful to me.
Well since then mom has had her surgery (2/3 of her colon removed and resected) and has recently complete the halfway mark of her chemo treatments. It's been difficult to watch. As I said before, she's always been healthy and active. In less than 6 months, she's lost 50 pounds. She sleeps a good share of the day and when she's awake, she moves so slowly. Confusion and memory lapses, or she calls it, "chemo fog" is common these days. She's having some issues with kidney function now, something they'll look more into after chemo is completed.
I wish I could take it on for her. I hate watching her go through this.
I recently was talking to someone about having routine colonoscopies done because of the history of colon cancer in my family(My dad also had colon cancer) as well as my own history with cancer (I'm a cancer survivor as well...not colon, but it still increases my chances), and she asked how bad the stuff you have to drink is. I remember thinking the same kind of thing once..... but when she asked, my eyes teared up and I got a lump in my throat. It took a minute before I could answer her. When I did, I said, "I'm not gonna lie, it's not fun. It doesn't taste good and it is meant to clean you out. But I've been watching my mom go through the alternative. She never had it done until there was a problem. Surgery was tough, chemo is hell, and if it doesn't work..... Please, take it from me, just do it, and don't wait!"
My mom has been such a trooper through this all! I believe she has gotten closer to God through the storm! I don't know how I would make it most days without the strength of the Lord to carry me through! I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know where my eternity will be!
God Bless
~Kim
I've been going through so difficult times with my mom lately. Not that she's difficult at all! Back in January, she had an episode that caused her to lose a great deal of blood when she went to the bathroom, which then caused her heart rate to drop dramatically and confusion to come on her. We didn't know about the blood loss at first because of the confusion, she didn't remember losing the blood and she had flushed the toilet. Later after the hospital had her stabilized, her memory began to return. However her blood pressure was up and so they couldn't do the tests needed to find out the cause of the blood loss for several more weeks.
First you have to understand, my mom had not been to a doctor in many years for anything. She is 70 years old and had been incredibly healthy and active up until this incident and saw no need to see a doctor. After she was released from the hospital, she saw a general practioner, a heart specialist, and a tummy doctor. Once we got her blood pressure down, they scheduled a colonoscopy.
Like everyone who's ever had one, the prep is no fun, yet necessary. I took her in for the procedure. My brother was out of town. My husband is a truck driver and was working a couple hundred miles away. My daughter lives 700 miles away. My dad passed years ago. My son was at school. So it was just me and mom. I gave her a hug and sent her back.
When she came out they called me back to see her. She was pretty out of it, as would be expected. After a little while the nurse pulled me aside and asked me to come to another room. There the doctor looked at me with this look I'll never forget. I had no doubt what he was going to tell me wouldn't be good....and it wasn't. It was cancer and it was bad! There was a large tumor blocking 95% of the colon and more that were smaller. He was hopeful that it was possible with surgery and chemo that she could survive. He asked if I had any siblings and that I needed to call them and get them here. Somehow that didn't sound so hopeful to me.
Well since then mom has had her surgery (2/3 of her colon removed and resected) and has recently complete the halfway mark of her chemo treatments. It's been difficult to watch. As I said before, she's always been healthy and active. In less than 6 months, she's lost 50 pounds. She sleeps a good share of the day and when she's awake, she moves so slowly. Confusion and memory lapses, or she calls it, "chemo fog" is common these days. She's having some issues with kidney function now, something they'll look more into after chemo is completed.
I wish I could take it on for her. I hate watching her go through this.
I recently was talking to someone about having routine colonoscopies done because of the history of colon cancer in my family(My dad also had colon cancer) as well as my own history with cancer (I'm a cancer survivor as well...not colon, but it still increases my chances), and she asked how bad the stuff you have to drink is. I remember thinking the same kind of thing once..... but when she asked, my eyes teared up and I got a lump in my throat. It took a minute before I could answer her. When I did, I said, "I'm not gonna lie, it's not fun. It doesn't taste good and it is meant to clean you out. But I've been watching my mom go through the alternative. She never had it done until there was a problem. Surgery was tough, chemo is hell, and if it doesn't work..... Please, take it from me, just do it, and don't wait!"
My mom has been such a trooper through this all! I believe she has gotten closer to God through the storm! I don't know how I would make it most days without the strength of the Lord to carry me through! I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know where my eternity will be!
God Bless
~Kim
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