Day 8

What was it like burning my negative list? Well, after seeing all the positives I came up with and realizing that I sometimes let the negative things take over my thoughts, it was a relief to let them go. I'm not gonna say I'll never slip back into revisiting those things when I'm in a mood.......but I'm going to do my best to leave them in the burned up heap I left them in. I want to focus on all the positive things in my husband.....there are so many. For instance, our future son-in-law is in desperate need of a car, but only has $800 to spend. My husband has been working tirelessly to find him a decent car for not much money. He knows he's in need and he will do just about anything to make it happen. He just cares about others like that. He is a man of service. I'm so thankful he's my man. I know an area I could better cheer him on to success and that is in his work. So many times I don't really listen or support him like I should when he's frustrated with work. I want to be there more in that area, listening and encouraging him. He deserves it and even if he didn't, I am choosing to do it.

Kim

Day 7

Yes, I'm a little late posting for day 7. I've been really sick and crashed pretty early last night, but not before I made my lists and completed my dare. I'm not going to share the lists with you, because I think that might be invading on my sweeties privacy. I will say that I was very pleased to see my positives list was considerably longer than my negative list. I know there was a time in our lives that it wouldn't have been that way. We've went through so much over the past 23 years. We nearly lost it all several years ago, but God restored us. I believe through this process God is restoring us that much more. He's bringing us closer and reminding us of why we first fell in love. It has been a bit of a challenge. Both Jim and I have been sick, still working, so totally exhausted. Yet we have still mostly maintained patience with each other. I know he feels loved just knowing I'm willing to do this and ask him questions that are tough to hear the answers to and he's loving the positive comments and things I've done for him. I know he's feeling loved more than he probably has in quite awhile. I hope those of you going through the journey with me are seeing the same kinds of changes I'm seeing. I'm praying for you all and I'm here if you need to talk.

Kim

Day 6

I had to think a lot about todays dare. Life is so busy and I'm supposed find areas where I need to add margin to my schedule. What I thought of was that I need to purpose some 1 on 1 time with my husband on the weekend. We don't really see each other at all during the week so we have to make more effort on the weekends. I've decided to stop packing every weekend with things that need to get done and do something fun with Jim. On top of that I have decided to not rush our conversations on the phone during the week. I'm usually tired by the time I can call him based on his work schedule and I am thinking more about how tired I am than what we're talking about. I need to focus that time on him.

Then the second part of the dare was to list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life. I think the biggest motivation I need to release is the motivation to always be right. I sometimes argue a point to the place where I don't even remember what we're arguing about because he still hasn't agreed with me. How ridiculous is that? I also realize that I sometimes try to manipulate Jim into doing what I want him to instead of just coming out and asking him. I hint, I guilt, I leave clues that I think he should understand, then when he doesn't do it, I blame him, when in reality its my fault because I didn't tell him what I wanted.

I really hope I can do better in these areas. I know Jim deserves for me to be better and even if he didn't, I want to do it because I love him.

Kim

Day 5

Okay.......so the three things that I do that irritate my husband are
1. I turn the television on Sunday morning to watch a home improvement show and he would like me either not turn the tv on or only turn it on to a program, such as a sermon so we come together before we go to church to focus on God.

I can absolutely do that!

2. I have this bad habit of not recording receipts for over the counter medication expenses on the credit card.

I have been working at being better about this and will make it even more of a focus.

3. He sometimes feels that I don't take enough interest in our budget and finances. He would like me to spend at least one hour every month away from everyone and everything else to go over the budget with him.

Done!

That was a lot less painful than I thought it would be. It did make him happy that I was willing to listen to these concerns without being defensive and that I want to try to make the changes. Have I mentioned that I have the most amazing husband in the world!!! Through this, I'm learning to love him as he deserves to be loved. I'm so thankful God led me to this process and impressed on my heart what I needed to do.

Kim

Day 4

Today's dare seemed pretty easy for me. I was to call my husband, ask how he is and see if there was anything I could do for him. I think it really helped him to have a better day. He'd been having some frustrations in his work and know I cared and was there for him to talk to seemed to help him feel better about the day. Although he didn't tell me I could do anything for me when I asked, a little while into the conversation he did ask me to do something that is hard for him to do on the road. I did it and it made another part of his day go better. I've read tomorrow's dare and I don't think this one will be quite so easy. I think I may have a little bit of a hard pill to swallow. I'm supposed to ask him for 3 things I do that make him uncomfortable or irritate him......ugh, I'm sure he could come up with a lot more than 3.

Kim

Day 3

Now is when this challenge starts to become.......well, a little more challenging. I have done the challenge, but my husband won't see what I got him until he gets home around 1am. For those of you who don't know, Jim is a truck driver and during the week our schedules are completely opposite each other. He gets home at 1am and I've usually been sleeping awhile then and I'm up at 6am and he's still sleeping until after I've left for work. So some of the dares might be difficult to make happen on the day they are meant to occur. Today's was not so difficult, just he won't see it until he's home which will kind of be tomorrow.

I chose to get him a card and write how I feel about him in it. I told him how much I love how he leads and loves our marriage and our family. The dare says to buy something that says I was thinking about him today. Some people might opt for some large, expensive token. However we are trying really hard to pay off debt and not spend any extra we don't have to, so I know not only will he cherish the card and the personal sentiment, but will appreciate not having any extra money spent. Since we share all of our money, money I spend is money from our budget. I know my husband's love language includes little notes and special things like that, so I think this will be a wonderful thing for him to find when he gets home.

I don't know about anyone else going through this, but I'm really enjoying the fun of loving him as I go through this process. Doing all the little things we did when we were new in our relationship that seem to have been forgotten over the years. I get a little bit giddy over what I get to do next. The most difficult for me is having patience and watching my tongue so I don't lash out or say unnecessary negative comments. It's amazing to me how many times I would do those things to the man I love. Hopefully this process is retraining my attitude.

Kim

Day 2

Here I am nearing the end of day 2 and I have to say, I had to keep reminding myself to think selflessly today. I'm not feeling well and normally that would seem to give me an excuse to be "me" focused and expect everyone else to be focused on me as well. But I thought about how God never takes a day off from loving us. No matter what He loves us every moment of every day. I think of all the times I so didn't deserve His love, yet, it was always there and I know it will always be there. I want my husband to feel that way. That no matter what happens I will always love him and always be there. Isn't that what we want from our spouses? Jim was a sweetheart, so it wasn't difficult to follow through with the dare again today. Again, I had to keep from speaking once or twice because what I would have said would have been negative. The added part of the dare today was to do something do at least one gesture as an act of kindness for my husband. I chose to offer to cut his hair. It may not seem like much, but life is so busy he usually has to ask several times before I get to it. And on a day like to day, when I'm not feeling well, he wouldn't have even asked. I know he wanted it done and although the day was packed with things to do and places to go, I chose to put him first. He didn't say anything, but I know he appreciated it. I can already feel the difference in the way we're interacting with each other. I'm really getting joy out of making my husband feel loved, because he is, and its about time I showed him. I also set up a tv tray for him for dinner and made some of his favorites. It's a little thing, but something I usually don't do. I guess that's what I'm realizing, its all those little things we did for each other when our love was new, that we just don't take the time or effort to do anymore. I'm choosing to make the effort because he's worth it.

Kim

Day 1

Well the end of Day 1 of my Love Dare is near so here are my thoughts.


I was gone a good share of the day, my daughter and I drove about an hour away to go wedding shopping. I still began today. Now keep in mind, my husband knows I'm doing this, so its not like there's any big surprise going on and I think he's trying to do it a little bit with me so there wasn't any real times when I had to be super patient. There was only one moment that I had to stop myself from saying something negative that could have turned into an argument and I did stop myself. I also went out of my way to do some little things for my husband today, like thank him for the yard work he did and make him breakfast this morning(which is something I almost never do) but I mostly focussed on patience and staying away from negativity. It went well. I'm getting ready to read my dare for Day 2 and I'm excited about it. I'm really excited to see the love flow more easily in our lives. I know this journey will make a positive impact on our marriage and I'm hoping it will spill over into every relationship in my life. If I work at showing my love more to my husband, I believe I will learn to share my love more with everyone around me. I'm hoping some of my fellow challengers have begun and are having a great experience.

God Bless,
Kim

The Love Dare

I'm embarking on a new journey. There are several ladies from my church who will be joining me, as will our husbands without their knowledge. This journey is based on the book The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It was featured in the movie Fireproof. It's all about unconditional love and making a commitment to love, no matter what. It's about putting out the effort to love your spouse through actions and by the Word of God. It is a 40 day journey and I will begin it tomorrow. I will be blogging each night about how things went and the process going on inside of me and in my marriage. I'm not doing this because I expect my husband to treat me better or because I want something, but because my husband is worth the kind of selfless love God calls us to. I'm about to read Day 1, I'll let you know how things go tomorrow.

Kim